Captured Words and Thoughts... Random findings..

Turn the page

2010-07-16T01:08:00.002+05:30

(These four lines are dedicated to my blog's title! I randomly assigned a title to my blog years back.. and now it's all starting to make more sense than what it did before.. I realise now, how important it is to "turn the page" )

Been too long, in this cage,
Seen too much, for my age
It even has a color now, this rage
It’s time to turn the page...

Forgery

2010-06-10T19:04:00.002+05:30

I forged your signature,
And it looked so real.
The art I so acquired,
Practiced with many a dear.

Oh how the meanings reversed!
The nonsense came from you.
I spoke with seething pride,
And you were left so confused!

I satisfied your every need,
My reasoning known best to me.
All you wanted was a sweet escape,
But how could that ever be?

Dear, I did not fake your initials,
And I did cut you some slack,
But explain how I turned into a twisted you?
'Cuz I don't remember signing up for that.

2010-03-26T13:53:00.003+05:30

I am in one of your thoughts
That seems to linger around
I am a tiny trace in your being
I am waiting to be found

I am but a fragment,
I am but a space
I am but a void
I am nothing of significance

I creep up when you don't remember
I get lost without a sound
I hide under the covers
I shelter beneath the crowd

I am the hope
I am the smile
I am the promise
You left behind

Yet, I am seeking you
Yet, I am waiting at your door
You never seem to bother
I am "all that and more"

Your pleasure is limited
Your pain, relentless
Yet you forget me
When your heart's not heavy

I will always wait for you
And willingly you will return
I will not ask questions
About things you have learnt

For even I know its hard,
And I am giving you my reward
You have already paid the price, my child
You nursed a broken heart..

2010-03-04T22:27:00.004+05:30

(this post is especially dedicated to everyone.. ;)

I am stupid, I am amused

If I am not wrong,I am a fool

I am careless, I am last-moment

I pay no heed to my senses

I fall, I sleep,

I get up when necessary

I cry for hours, I snap out,

I have sulked enough

I dance alone in my room

I throw things that can be reused

I say things I dont mean

I live in a different century

I am selfish, I want more

I am dry, I am a bore

I nurture abandoned neurons

I am attracted to the thorns

I am disoriented in many ways,

Some me dies, some me stays

2010-03-02T14:43:00.006+05:30

(this one has been written for two people, one not known to me.. its for those two who have cursed the harshness of nature and yet, appreciated and accepted it.. its for those two people and they will never know)

The passion was ignited,
Two rough outers met,

Saw through the prism of stone,

His universal curse of being alone.

Storms, the flame withstood,

Fireflies died in the name of love,

The flame burned with a vengeance profound,

The sparks raised questions abound.

Incessantly proud was the candle,

For she had nurtured the flame,

The winds and the waters,

Only had excuses to fail.

The outers turned rougher,

As now, they had turned their backs,

No, the flame didn't burn out,

The candle ran out of wax.

Red-you-ced

2010-02-07T14:32:00.002+05:30

I may not be the best person to write this text but in my gut, I think that this needed to be written by me. These are matters of the past that I ponder over and matters of the heart that remain innocent.
Is it really a thing of the past when a guy would kneel and propose with a ring in his hand to ask a girl, who he thinks will be his wife, to marry him? For what I know now is a gross contrast to the rosy images I have in my head. I would not be surprised to know that proposals are made in the middle (or probably towards the end) of an intense love making session where desires are heightened and matters of the heart are confused with matters of needs. Is it a thing of the past when relationships were valued, nurtured and protected? For what I know now is that casual sex is not considered to be adultery and kissing is an art to be practiced on many. I have studied the "availability heuristic" in psychology and though it represents something entirely different from what I am saying, it is still a good term to denote the thought ( I am not saying fact because I know many people would not agree ) that availability makes things easier and perhaps, more difficult in the long chase. Is it a thing of the past when marriages were made to work and relationships were desperately clung on to? For what I know now is that compromise is a non existent word in the dictionary and worrying about consequences is a thing of the past. If I type in "sex" in Google, I will be showered (!) with a thousand porn sites, claiming to provide me with a mate (male or female) right here, in Bombay. Is it really a thing of the past when trust meant something and love was everything? For what I know now is that the conscience is deeply buried and values are only for quoting.
What have I been reduced to? Am I really supposed to believe that there is a world out there that has not, in any point in time, beared the brunt of being a part of this generation? Or am I supposed to blindly seek refuge in fear? If I am a part of this society, I cannot be devoid of conditioning. If I am to love without a worry, the mind has to be free. If this is just one of
the products of my imagination, then I probably have no scope. But I only think what I see, hear and feel. It would only be natural for anyone to say that I could always alter my attitudes, my thinking and my perceptions but hardly do I have enough proof to convince myself that relationships today are symbolic of love, trust and respect for what I see, hear and hence know, is enough data to process the fact (!) that people are used like dump yards and sadly, sometimes, the garbage is never recycled.
The blame game doesn’t fit here. If I have to pull cords and connect the dots, the conclusion could be far from obvious since we all have a myriad of reasons for the things we choose to do. I am not in opposition, neither am I in favor of this culture that undermines humanity in its basic form. I am confused due to the complex thoughts that raid my mind when the society moves at a pace that is hard to keep up with. Maybe I am slow and the race is not for me for what f****d me over, evidently forgot to un-f*** me.

My "con"cepts

2010-01-26T23:23:00.005+05:30

If anyone wishes to know me, the way I do or don't, you have to read this and maybe at some point in time, forget this.

I am a wanderer, but only in my mind. My thoughts take me to weird places which exist outside the realm of reality. My reality is full of fantasies. My reality constitutes nothing important except for a life that I resent and look forward to. I am blindly devoid of reason yet logic was my favourite subject. I am not cynical at heart but 99% of the times, I think something is going wrong. The remaining 1% of the times, I am simply confused.

I am never looking for more. I like to get things easy. I have never struggled enough, worked hard enough, loved enough, cared enough, studied enough and yes, laughed enough. I have cried enough, sulked enough, slept enough and fought enough. I am fascinated with the world and where it came from but I am lazy to ponder over matters that require me to delve into something that is unaccompanied by proof.

I am scared of failure and rejection. I am minus on confidence. I have a mind which waivers almost every alternate second. I don’t think life is a game. I think we all are players playing our own game in life. Hence, game is a subset of life. And life is a subset of existence and existence is a subset of eternity. Eternity is a subset of many eternities and these eternities may gradually perish but that's not my business.

If I love someone, it doesn’t matter if they love me or don’t. If I don’t love someone, it doesn’t matter if they do or don’t. My philosophy doesn’t work most of the times but it's still mine. I don’t like the concept of money, it ruins eventually. I don’t like the concept of religion, it conditions. I like the concept of time, it's always running out. I like the concept of God for maybe there is something divine in the world.

In your eyes... revisited

2009-09-26T23:24:00.003+05:30

I dipped sunshine in your eyes,
and I saw them shine
with a wild softness that is warm
but doesn’t burn

I dipped morning dew in your eyes
and I saw them cry
with deep innocence that is unreal
but doesn’t elude

I dipped the sky in your eyes
and I saw them soar high
with intensity that is dangerous
but doesn't intimidate

I dipped the rainbow in your eyes
and I saw them paint a life
with a color that is painfully bright
but doesn’t blind

I dipped the earth in your eyes
and I saw them humble and naive
with mystery that is untraceable
but doesn’t confine

I dipped life in your eyes
and I saw in them, twilight
with a mélange that is magnificent
but doesn’t divide

iNcoNsiStEnT

2009-08-30T07:42:00.002+05:30

(From the heart of inconsistency... that begs for stability )

I say yes today,

and I say no tomorrow

Why am I to be blamed,

when I am not sure?

I feel good about the "yes"

I feel better about the "no"

but i cant help it

I cant put up a show!

I change my mind

a little too often,

Is it too much to take?

Adios then, you are welcome

Hate me or love me

I may care or not

I dont usually feel remorse

but sometimes it hurts a lot

Be with me if you like explosives

but dont tread too far

These are not warning signals,

incase the grapes turn sour

I love you today

and I may not tomorrow

Its not a game I am playin'

and im not askin for more

I am simply inconsistent!

I give no guarantee

Its not really a free ride

but at least, you'd be with me

I can be a sadist

I can be mean

but thats how I am
take it or gladly leave..

Tomorrow cannot be told

2009-07-18T22:47:00.003+05:30

Futile emotions caress my being
as naked choices stare at me,
And once again I see ten years
lived in accordance with fear
I cannot replace doubts
they seem to linger around
I see them win
And I see fear triumph
Merely as a spectator I watch,
the thoughts I was in control of
When a hundred mirrors shatter
the broken pieces dont matter
But if you walk on them with naked feet
there will be blood and cuts will be deep
When enslaved by skepticism
and the unborn sense of realisation
the familiar uncertainty takes its toll,
Try, if you may, but tomorrow cannot be told.

The Knew's and do's

2009-06-05T13:35:00.001+05:30

Was it the truth wrapped in the lies
Or the lies wrapped in the truth?
Are you an actor by choice
Or a player by pursuit?

If I am not surprised, why am I in tears?
If I knew it all along, why did I believe your words?

Why did I give it a chance to last,
when I knew that you'd be a thing of the past?
Why did I give my all to you,
when I never really believed you?
Why did I let myself go,
when I always knew you'd want more?
Why did I go through the ridicule,
when I knew it would be over soon?
Why did I get flattered by the praise,
when I knew you'd vanish without a trace?
Why did I find you worthy of my love,
when I knew its the love you dont deserve?

Who's to blame?

2009-06-04T14:54:00.002+05:30

I aksed for a feeling

He gave me love

I converted it into pain

And now, I blame him.

I asked for a kiss,

He gave me one on my lips

I converted it into a peck,

And now, I blame him.

I asked for money,

And he gave me a 100 dollars

I converted into Rs 5000

And now, I blame him

I asked for peace,

And he gave me a hug,

I converted it into violence,

And now, I blame him

But I asked for trust,

And he gave me lies,

I converted that into doubt,

And now, I blame him

But I asked for assurance,

And he didn't say a thing

I converted that into indifference

And now, I blame myself

Are you alone?

2009-06-04T00:29:00.000+05:30

I saw a man who looked just like you,
When you will be around 52.
He had a heavy wallet, I could see.
As he was binging on chicken and paneer.

He still looked handsome, despite the age,
Just a few wrinkles here and there.
He seemed to be lost in his own world,
As he requested the waiter for some more curd.

He noticed me noticing him,
And didn't take his eyes off me till I did.
He stood up and prepared to leave,
I couldn't help but notice his lean body.

And as I sipped on my cutting chai,
And stared at the strangers passing by,
His gaze met mine for a long moment,
And something made me shiver within.

He had a cell phone and he had a car,
I guessed he would be heading straight for the bar.
And as he lit his cigarette, he walked towards me,
And said " Lady, would you please stop staring at me?"

Embarrassed by the question, I paid my bill,
Waiting for the change, I had some minutes to kill.
I told him that I was sorry
But he stood there, waiting for me to complete.

I replied, "I couldn't help but notice you around,
Your face has such a charm!
But despite your piercing gaze, you are forlorn,
You my friend, are alone.."

I walked out leaving nothing unsaid,
I walked faster, increasing my pace.
And as I waited silently in the ticket queue,
I realised I was alone too.

Who?

2009-05-15T17:16:00.004+05:30

A rebel by circumstance

A seeker by actions

A do-nothing by profession

A helper by opportunity

A child by choice

A pessimist by learnings

A victim by fate

An achiever by grades

A believer by conditioning

A confused soul by experience

A sage by thought

A woman by default

A lover at heart

I am a joy in myself,

But in pain I revel

For all the truths I seek

The lies are in me

For the peace that I search

The war is within me

Smoke

2009-04-09T15:21:00.004+05:30

( From the Heart of every smoker )

My hand shivered

As I released the smoke

Tiny designs filled the air

The wind had some space to share

Love is like smoke,

It disappears into something

It calls its own

Hearts or cigarettes

Is there a difference to learn?

One releases the smoke

For the others' burns

ONE

2009-04-03T17:55:00.002+05:30

One face, many expressions
One heart, many emotions
One mind, many thoughts
One goal, many routes
One God, many beliefs
One present, many choices
One past, many lessons
One future, many apprehensions
One decision, many doubts
One life, many paradoxes

Underestimating the power of One?
It stands alone to watch the fun
When you are done with counting, you start with one
Because it gets you to where you had begun

Love me and go away

2009-02-27T19:32:00.001+05:30

I pulled it in and plugged it out
When he smiled, I began to shout
I didnt see the humour in the tears
My voice was lost somewhere in my fears

There is no current passing through my heart
I was immune from the very start
Its sad you didn't notice
That was only my accomplice

My desire is like a wave
It rises to fall again
The wave washes away so many like you
Escape my force now, wont you?

You see , I dont want you to beg or plead
I only want these lines for you to read
There is no point in you to stay
Please love me and then, go away...

( I could not be faking it all along, C'mon! You know I do, care, want, love, cherish. Anything would mean nothing when you come along, I'd erase to rewrite words again, C'mon, I love you, dont you know already? )

iCe

2009-02-18T14:45:00.000+05:30

And then there was ice,
Looked as though
it was stoned to freeze
And as it melted,
down into the space
called nothingness
It broke into a hundred colours
unseen of
And the water,flowed rhythymically
Making no sound
For a moment,
it seemed to resemble,
frozen tears
that have broken free
of the misery
and seeked sweet release
And a hundred shades
did not suffice
to emote the feelings of the heart
or the mind
And then there was ice
that had seized to be itself
As it reluctantly melted away
only untill it froze again....

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

2009-02-06T10:20:00.000+05:30

Today is my yesterday's plan
I thought I'd live it fully
But today still eludes me
For as I live it, it passes
And when it stayed, I couldn't care
Yesterday was mine too,
And its strange its gone
But its stranger that today exists
And it will be gone too
And tomorrow will start with hope
And end in a bitter today
With faint memories of yesterday
Please take my today away from yesterday
And my tomorrow from the day after
I want no memory of yesterday
And no anticipation for tomorrow

Love is....

2009-02-03T15:06:00.004+05:30

Love is when a wave bubble sinks into the sand
Love is when the horizon swallows the sun
Love is when a dew drop floats on a petal
Love is when a dolphin jumps over the moon
Love is when the first raindrop kisses the earth
Love is when your eyes meet mine
Love is when I would be with you always and a day
Love is that Sync-ing Feeling,without which I am insane
And with it I am Maniacal.
-Revathi Srinivasan ( The heart behind this one )

Come see me once

2009-02-02T17:46:00.000+05:30

I wish I could write about you daddy,
And tell you, somehow, that I miss you terribly
I dont need the world's empathy
I only need you to hold me,

Just once, come see me
Talk to me
Just once, take me away from here,
Let it be just you and me
And let me cry

I wish I could write about you daddy,
I wish I could, again, be your baby
I dont need anybody
I wont need nobody

Come once to wipe my tears,
Just once, would you?
In all my sanity, I say this to you
Take me with you

Daddy, I love you
With all that I ever had
It only grows each day
And I want you to know
That I want you to come see me, once

I never got a chance to say goodbye
I never got a chance to say
that I need you along the way

Please come see me once
Just once
I swear I wont clutch
Just see me once

Me

2009-01-29T18:17:00.000+05:30

Glared, Stared at me my face

Blared, the music

I opened my mouth to speak

Nothing

This is not me

This is not me

Eyes like a zombie

Face, White

Lips, cracked

Nothing matched

This is not me

This is not me

Haunting, memories I lived

And now I am here, staring

Cursing

My actions have spoken

My words forgotten

This is not me

This is not me

I begged in front of me

To bring me back to being

Silence

And then I smiled

How can I take me away from me?

I stared again, same face

Didn't change

I smiled, it smiled

I wiped the tears, it aped me

This is not me

This is not me

The world only sees the doom

And not the gloom

For the world I will tell

A story untold

My story

For this is not me

And the world will know

Me.

I crash, I drown, I burn

Come see me tomorrow

I will show you

Me

The day I walk away

2009-01-21T18:02:00.000+05:30

The day I will walk away
Will be the day I stay
In your memories I will live and die
But in reality, I wont return
To hear your sorrowful cries

The day I never look back at you
Will be the day I start loving you
For my absence is your prosperity
And my presence will ruin you eventually

The day I pack my bags and leave
Will be the day my heart bleeds
That day is today and the one I leave behind is you
Such a crime I say, all in the name of " I love you"

I am not the one

2009-01-14T14:24:00.000+05:30

I am not what you are looking for,

but your search ends here

I am not what your psyche needs

but in your life, I am carefully weaved

I am not what your heart cries for

but I can dry your tears

I am not what your wandering mind desires

but I will be the one to light your inner fire

I am not the one you surrender to

but I can free you of the shackles

I am not the one who can liberate you

but I can tie you down to release you

I am not the one you can trust

but my eyes will search for you from morn to dusk

I am not the one who can fulfill your dreams

But you can live a dream with me in reality

I am not the one your soul waits for

Neither am I the one your body craves for

You are only an erratic wave in the merciless sea

But in me, you will find your shore....

In my search

2008-12-11T14:55:00.000+05:30

I searched for love,
And I saw it once in your eyes
I searched again
And I found it in the eyes of a child

I searched for hope
And I found it in your handwritten note
I searched again
And I found it in a quote

I searched for peace
And I found it in the words of a priest
I searched again
And I found it in the silence of my being

I searched for pleasure
And I found it in the smile of a stranger
I searched again
And I found it in the grasp of a lover

I searched for myself
And I found me in you
I searched again
And I found you in me too...~

Gone is forever...

2008-11-20T14:24:00.001+05:30

Sometimes I forget that we are together
Sometimes in a day or a year, gone is forever
Many forevers came and many forevers went
None lasted, in the end

For forever I will not live and forever I will not love
For its neither through pain nor through pleasure
Either of them cannot last forever

What Love's not

2008-11-12T08:58:00.002+05:30

I have realised that.........

Love isnt about sharing the same interests and passions
neither is it about "opposites attract"

Love isnt about security, marriage or children
neither is it about living in isolation

Love isnt about holding hands or sex
neither is it about not expressing through touch

Love isnt about being together
neither is it about being apart

Love isnt about being grateful or thankful
neither is it about being selfish or unnerved

Love isnt about maturity
neither is it about emotional outbursts

Love is not about explanations
neither is it about mutual understanding

Love isnt about long drives, fancy restaurants and flowery words
neither is it about not enjoying the little pleasures in life

But the more I know of what love's not
The more I keep forgetting what love is!

But I also believe that in order to know what "is"
One must first know what's "not"

You will love forever....

2008-10-08T14:34:00.001+05:30

I think love is a feeling. Its only a feeling that stays long after its gone
And despite the confusion it brings, it will never leave you alone
For once you have loved, you will always love

I think love is a moment, a moment of perfect bliss
Though the moment doesnt last long, forever you will feel it
For once you have loved, you will always love

I think love is a game, the only game in which you'd rather lose
Though deception is common, you still do what you choose
For once you have loved, you will always love

I think love is selfish, for it only thinks about itself
In all the love we give, our motives rest
For once you have loved, you will always love

I think love is ecstacy, for more is never enough
Though it may leave you when you're unprepared, you dont give up
For once you have loved, you will always love

I think love is madness, to the point of insanity
Where passion is deep and reasoning takes leave.
For once you have loved, you will always love

I think love is beautiful, for it carresses your innermost self
Though it releases your fear, it can fill you with regret
For once you have loved, you will always love

I think love is self-chosen pain or pleasure
Though it can direct your way forever
For once you have loved, you will love forever...

Ahhh.. women..!

2008-09-30T12:33:00.000+05:30

Let me start by telling you what an Oxymoron is. According to the dictionary, An oxymoron (plural oxymorons or, more rarely, oxymora) is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms. How would one relate this to women? Simply complicated. Thats what they are. By the time they actually figure out what they want, either they have changed their mind ( again ) or its a little too late or they havent even realised that they have ( finally ) made up their minds. Since they are so complicated, it would be hard to categorise them since they all are weird ( uhh.. I mean different ) in their own ways. Lets consider a common example. You go to a club with your guy and his eyes are wandering, you know where. You are trying hard to get some attention,all in vain. A cute/hot/sexy/beautiful ( take any adjective, as long as she is a girl, you would be fuming !! ) bumps into him and goes "Oh, I am sorry... Its just so crowded in here..." and flashes that smile ( uhh, yet again, she maybe horrible but she bumped into your guy, how dare she!! ). And your fella smiles back and says " Oh its al right.. no problem!". (NO PROBLEM??!?!?! I have a problem!! Somebody ask me!!)

Al right, so now we discuss the different plausible ( alien word in a womens dictionary ) responses to this situation:

Girl 1: What the @#$% was that? ( 90 percent of the female population fits here, regardless of the age group )

Girl 2: She was kinda cute, wasn't she ? ( Awwww.. she is the insecure one.. A simple "I love you baby and you are the most beautiful girl present here...followed by a *hug, kiss, smooch, whatever! * and there she goes, All happy again until she encounters a similar situation )

Girl 3: She keeps quiet, has tears in her eyes and all of a sudden, without prior warning, either walks out on you or accuses you of cheating and uhhh, never mind

Girl 4: You bumped into her on purpose, didn't you? How much more are you gonna degrade yourself? What did I ever see in a loser like you? Mom was right! I should have never dated you!!

Girl 5: ( bumps into the next decent loking guy she finds just to get back ) Victory!!

Girl 6: She doesnt care, she doesnt have the time or doesnt find the need to react ( trust me, these species are almost extinct )

These were the possible reactions however, like I said, only plausible reasonable ones. Its hard to imagine how one girl, can love you and at the same time, make your life close to miserable. Whoever seeks to understand them will encounter failure at some point in time. The reason is simple. They themselves dont understand what makes them this way. Its strange actually. If we consider the situation mentioned above, you may also find that the reaction of girl #1 will be similar to that of girl # 6 in a similar situation and vice versa. I dont think this is a matter of ones mood or mind state. Its only whats in you that is reflected in your behaviour. If you know what you are and what you want, what should tick you off and what shouldn't, you'd be better at peace with yourself and accept yourself the way you are.

On a serious note, we all have inhibitions, insecurities and apprehensions and when we let them dominate us, we feel we are vulnerable and naive and the world is a bad place. We love, with the fear of losing and lose because we dont love completely and fully.

I probably deviated from the topic, I know ( I am a girl too!! ). The point is that you are only as simple or as complicated as you think you are. I know what you are thinking, heavy words, all gas. But honestly, give it a thought if nothing else. Why should you let someone or something dominate your life when it is your life and your choices and why should you dominate someone else's life when its theirs? I am not saying detach yourself, I am only saying that controlling things beyond a point will only worsen things. Relationships would not be such a drag if only you are true to yourself. Like Osho says, Ecstacy is in the very nature of human beings and when one is depressed, one is actually going against nature since it takes a lot of effort to be miserble.

If none of this helps, try alcohol. It sure helps!

Rock On!

2008-09-01T08:21:00.000+05:30

The first word that would come to your mind after watching "Rock on" would be "rocking" since the movie is nothing short of that. You would probably wanna take guitar lessons if you are a guitar lover like me. A sensible movie, mainly revolving around 4 guys. Ok, I am not gonna give away the story line. I dont want people beating me up later or for that matter, not reading this! But I can give you some reasons to watch this movie on the Silver screen and not on DVD. Watch this movie for Farhan Akhtar. He is one guy who can carry a knitted hairband with amazing ease. Watch it for Arjun Rampal who can carry off waist length hair with even more ease. His irascibility would still, make you wanna love him because you can identify with each character. You will realise that you are or have been one of them at least once in your life.

The songs fit into the movie beautifully, and as hard as I try to think, I cannot come up with any flaws. Though in some cases, there are songs back to back, the melody and tune is so disparate and atypical that it stays with you long after you have left the cinema hall. There are songs that make you go "headbang" and then, there are songs that make you wanna bang your head. Rock on songs definitely fall into the former category.. This movie is made with passion and the actors have demonstrated that passion in their individual roles and obviously, done justice to their characters.

Ok, sorry guys but cannot resist this. There is a line in one of the songs in the movie ( kabhi khud pe hasa main, kabhi khud pe roya ). It might sound like an ordinary line but when Farhan sings it, it hits the right chords, in your heart. Behind all the drumming and guitaring, the lyrics of the songs make you realise that people are not infallible and we are all bound to make mistakes however, its never too late to correct them. If you are an ardent music lover, this movie is a must watch for you. There is nothing in the movie that might exasperate you or might make you want to pass any caustic remarks.

Prachi Desai is cute. I believe she has chosen a good role for her debut movie. Purab is one of the underrated actors in Bollywood. You can clearly see the transition in his role, from a callow, immature 22 year old to an assiduous employee. Luke Kenny has done a good job too. Its kind of funny to watch these 4 guys sitting in Army cafe at Elphinstine road, sipping on cutting chai. It only makes you think that they are ordinary people with extraordinary dreams. It makes you think you are one of them. It makes you want to value friendship. And lastly, it makes you fall in love with your passion, whatever it may be. For them, it was music and Magik ( the name of their band ).

My take on this movie is that it has everything a young music lover could want. Even if you are not a music lover, watch it for its intensity and subtle messages. All in all, rock on!!! ( zindagi milegi na dobaara....)

The dark side

2008-06-24T00:07:00.002+05:30

Oh so you say that I am nice,
But you are not worth a dime,
Even if you were worth a million bucks,
You will never deserve my love.

If I divide the world into 2 categories,
You would be on the opposite side of the majority
You are different, you might say,
You are just an icing on the cake.

You are put up there for decoration,
Sure you deserve all the admiration,
You taste real bad though you look real good
Good front cover, though nothing interesting in your book

Dont tell me stories I dont want to hear,
When life is steady, you want to shift gears
You are an addiction to yourself,
And the damage will be done without your consent

Though you seem to have interesting theories,
Put up a smile and hide your worries,
Self-chosen pain and denial of a smile,
And you say I hide behind a facade of mine!

You look at the dark sky outside,
but you refuse to look at the stars shining bright
You only see the candle melt,
You cannot see the light it spreads..

My reality is your delusion,
My hallucination is your conviction,
And tomorrow when our worlds collide,
You will know what I have been trying to tell you all this while..

The seasons of my heart will change,
But your heart will only crave
As you shut behind so many doors,
Satisfied you will be, but only wanting more..

Conversation with Dad

2008-05-16T12:11:00.002+05:30

Background: He was at home. I was at home. 2 wounded souls. Perfect time for a long meaningful chat. Turned out to be just the opposite.

Dad: What is true love according to you?
Me: What I feel for you. No other form of love exists.
Dad: So why do you carry your heart on your sleeve?
Me: That form of love is bullshit.
Dad: So why do you get yourself stuck all the time?
Me: Love is an alien concept. I will never know what it is. So, just trying to know more.
Dad: By breaking hearts and getting hurt yourself?
Me: Its worth the bargain.
Dad: What bargain?. Are you bartering your love in return for something? Thats not love.
Me: Exactly what I am telling you. True love is bullshit. It doesn't exist. Expectations are there, in every relationship. No escaping that. So we are loving with hope of getting love in return. It is when we dont expect anything in return that we are actually in love!
Dad: Oh Miss philosopher-in-the-making, Stop this nonsense. You are justifying aren't you?
Me: Totally.
Dad: Fairy-tale romance doesn't exist. Nobody is gonna come on a horse to sweep you off your feet.
Me: I prefer a Lamborgini anyway.
Dad: Expectations! Thats what I am talking about. How will you ever really love?
Me: How can I love when I dont know what it is?
Dad: Love is compromise and understanding and trust and...
Me: Alien concept dad!
Dad: Dont you love me?
Me: Totally. See I didn't have to even think. But if you are talking romantically, I will have to think. And thats what the problem is. In Khalil Gibrans words.. its when you give of yourself that you truly give...
Dad: So you haven't found anyone to love yet? What was it with all guys who came and left?
Me: That I assumed to be love, only to realise, in the end, that it wasn't. Love is something way beyond my understanding. It will take some imagination I think.
Dad: You are really crazy. You are too immature to fall in love.
Me: No. I am mature enough to know that I cannot love.
Dad: That was a good one. but still, maturity will come with age for you maybe. You wont understand if I tell you.
Me: Maturity should not be equated with age. It comes with experience. All the maturity you have right now, is because of the circumstances that you got into and your hair didn't turn white overnight..
Dad: Sure! Circumstances! But then when will you ever learn?
Me: Time. Best medicine. Best cure. Best healer. Best excuse too....!

( Silence )

Me: So dad, what is true love?
Dad: Bullshit.

Trapped!!

2008-05-09T11:53:00.001+05:30

Backfired, your plan,
Deceived by your own senses,
A lie, so well planned,
But, remained only in the making.

Naive, sure I looked,
But you should have seen what you missed,
I was right there standing besides you,
Without a tear in my eye or a smile on my lips.

So how would your read me?
Oh you tried so hard,
To show what you dont remotely feel..
So I knew your trap since the start..

Shattered, your senile hopes,
Out in the open, your motives..
Lost control, of your own game
So now why are you running?

Many have come, many have gone,
You were just one among the crowd..
Remember I will, your face.
Tripped, in your own race..

"I keep gettin lost in your eyes,
My love, Do you have a map?"
Thats what You had said,
Now, you are caught in your own trap...!

Torn yet whole~~

2008-05-07T19:04:00.000+05:30

It lasted still it did not,
I was there and still I was not
I felt all of it,
Yet i am ignorant.

Asking to give me back a day,
Knowing thats impossible to attain
I am inviting myself pain,
I have no one to blame.

It was forever,
Yet its over.
With time, it diminished.
So much for my only wish

You see what you have left?
Only a promise not kept.
You see what you have done?
Left me with no hope, none.

The day a stranger stared back,
I knew we had lost track,
Strangeness we called it, didn't we?
Only a part of destiny.

You came and you left
leaving no sensation to cherish,
When with you, I felt perfection,
Until the moment you changed your direction

Yet I remember you and some words you said,
I am still alive and the memories are not dead.
You were busy following your dreams,
And here, I carved my own destiny...

You seem to have forgotten me,
Yet I think you still remember me,
What you plan is not what you have,
You have a song, you have no rhyme...

Try running from the world,
I know it wont seem absurd,
Try running from yourself,
And you will come back to where you started....

Blown!

2008-04-11T19:38:00.002+05:30

My Group Discussion and Personal Interview experience at TISS

I left my house at 7 40 am sharp, not knowing that I would return back home at the same time in the evening. I had unusual thoughts running in my head. I could not deal with them so I preferred not to think about the thoughts and just let them be. I was going to Tata Institute of Social Sciences ( TISS ). Many have heard of it, many haven't, many dont care. After my experience, I guess now, I belong to the third category. TISS is around an hour away from my house and since I had to reach at 9, I preferred to leave my place a little early ( in case I didn't get the bus on time or met someone interesting to chat with on the way ). I boarded the bus thinking it would take me at least 45 mins to reach. I was mistaken. In 20 mins flat I was dropped by the driver outside TISS. I looked at the driver while getting off and my guess was right. He was either drunk or had had a fight with his wife. Rash driving always has a reason.

I bought myself a packet of chips and headed straight to the institute, my dream institute, as I used to call it. I was eating when I noticed a huge crowd of students, all gathered and girls were chirping about how hard they worked for this. Yes, I felt out of place because I did not work hard, neither for the GD nor for the PI or the written test. I registered myself and was told to walk into the Common Room. I saw a couple of lost souls there and preferred to sit alone. To my horror, 2 girls, one from Bangalore and other from Chennai, occupied seats next to me. Bang on! I was in for trouble I knew that! Once they started discussing names and people and places I have never ever heard before, I wanted to bury myself and run away as fast as I could. Voila, I had a brilliant thought. My simple Nokia phone never ever seemed so useful to me ever. I got my headset out and put on the FM. With my favorite song ( Pehli Nazar mein...) playing, I felt relaxed and composed. That lasted for around half an hour till a man wearing a red t shirt walked in. He was reading this book called " Who made the minister smile?". I said in my head " I did, I did!!" Ok, I thought that was it. Again mistaken. He called out names of 8 people and instructed them to move to room number 10. The two " oh so knowledgeable " girls were in the first group itself and I silently prayed that my name would not be announced. It wasnt.

I waited till 11:45 for my turn and finally, we were told to move to Room number 11. I could write for hours on that Room number 11. I never felt pleasure and pain like that before. I never will. We headed towards it. I saw my place. There was a duster on the table with my Number written on it. I said to myself " OK, so I am just a number now". Obviously, what could I expect? They called 600 students and were going to finalise on just 30. And yes, people who have work experience will be given preference. I wanted to walk out. I stayed.

The topic was given. We discussed it. I spoke a few times and ended the discussion with a quote. I will never forget that quote " One speaker cannot beat 10 thinkers. 1 thinker cannot beat a 100 planners and a 100 planners cannot beat ONE performer. I felt proud. I really was.

Next, we were told to again go back to the Common Room. By now, I even knew the colour of the curtains there. I didnt want to go back. I did.

Next, I was heading towards the Canteen. Perhaps, the best part in my entire trip was the food I ate there. Mind blowing!. Chole curry rice and Panha ( a drink made of Raw Mango ). After eating, we all ( oh yeah, I made some friends there ) headed towards the CR again. And then the best part, I slept off for 45 mins only to wake up with a call from office. My over enthusiastic friends asked me how it was. I wish I could tell them how I felt exactly, how bored I was, how putoff I was and how much I missed the Airconditioning in my office. I didn't.

I woke up and asked the woman there how much time would it take. She replied with this " Abhi number 4 gaya hai, aapka number 16 hai ". Again, I was a number. Fantastic! I said, " Theek hai, I am going back to sleep!". She smiled. I walked out again.

Finally, at 6 in the evening, " number 16!!" was announced. From the last 2 years, I was waiting for this moment and now, I did not care. I was exhausted, tired and as disinterested as the Interview panel itself. I walked in, was grilled for 15 mins. Questions pertaining to e-counselling and education and development and why was my TYBA so taxing, blah blah blah. No offence to the panel. But I was as bored as them. I have never cursed the Indian Education System as much as I did yesterday. I loved it.

As I left, I had a very strong urge to ask them a couple of questions myself. " Why is the managment so poor?" " Why did you keep me waiting for so long?" "Why are you looking so bored?" "Why cant you increase the number of seats?" blah blah blah. I didn't ask them anything. I just walked out.

Next thing I knew, I was in an auto with my two new friends, heading to Govandi station. I had never been there before. Crazy thoughts ran in my head " What if the panel had asked me what my favorite song was? or Which was the last book I read? or what if they asked me to dance or something?. Then I remembered it was not a MTV Roadies interview. It was TISS. Reality.

When I got off the train, I passed the same bus stop I had visited in the morning.I felt nostalgic. I laughed. So many students take that bus everyday, 505 ltd. So many dreams, so many hopes. Some brutally crashed, some fulfilled. I dont really care if my dream is fulfilled or not. It was an experience and like my Dad always says " Experience counts, not winning or losing".

Next thing I know, I got back home, narrated the entire incident to my dad. The best thing about him is that he listens and he need not comment. I just know that he understands. He did.

The day ended. I slept. But before going to bed, I thought of the thousands of students with dreams, their own dreams, their parents' dreams. I wanted to write about the unfair system of education in our country. I wanted to thrash the management. I wanted to scream and yell, just to be heard. I did not do any of it. I just smiled and slept. The next day, I had already forgotten about it. Back to work. Back to life. C'est la vie ( Such is life )-An excuse in itself.

My New Mate

2008-04-08T10:24:00.003+05:30

I never thought I would write this blog. But I am. But there are many things I thought I wouldn't do, but I did them anyway. So this blog is specially dedicated to my " new pal ". Now, there are some things in life that dont need explanations and words are too less. This new mate of mine is super fun to talk to. Its like talking to an 8 year old and then suddenly, you feel you are an 8 year old talking to an 80 year old. In many ways, my new mate is just like me. In many ways, I feel as though I am talking to myself, which i do occassionally. I dont know much about my new mate, just the fact that humour is common to both of us. Harmless humour I must say. Since I dont know him much till now, I did not know how to react when somethings about our pasts were shared. Its difficult sometimes to accept. Its even more difficult to accept and still feel the same way. I think that there is so much more to my new mate than what I see. There is a lot that nobody can see, even if they can see, they cant understand, even if they can understand, they dont know how to react. Its all a circle, a cobweb.

So, my new mate is like a mirror to me in many ways. No, I dont know my new mate so well, no I dont know what his favorite colour is. No, I dont know what makes him sad, upset, angry, jealous. But thats the reason why I am calling him my "new mate". If I knew him so well, he would be my best friend. But the transition is what I call the most "beautiful" period. Like a transition from a catepillar to a butterfly.

Fake!

2008-03-22T12:50:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I ask myself the craziest of questions and get the craziest of responses. Just yesterday I asked myself a crazy question.
What am i doing in this fake fake world?

Where am I to go after this? Am I a part of this illusion? Or am i here to clear the dust off the reality?
Yet again, I said to myself that reality itself is an illusion. So what is real anyway?
My being is real because I am alive. But what am I doing with my life? Let me ponder.
I am living an illusion, a life which is temporary. A life beyond my understanding. But who decides whats beyond my understanding? Am I the one to decide that? If not, who decides?

I dress myself up with the prettiest of clothes and accessories. I enter the fake fake world of being what I am not. I want to escape, I cant. Its society they say. You have to live in it.
Who made the society? Man. Who made the world? Speechless. I am a part of this world first and then I am a part of this fake fake society. So I want to get all my make up off and not put on any facade.
I want the starry nights to fascinate me and not the diamond ring on your finger. I want the the oceans to arouse my curosity and not your purse of pure leather.

I am a part of this beautiful world and no society can stop me from being what I want to be. As i start my search for myself, I question you my friend, if you are lost in this lost world, start questioning in wonder, and you will get your answers.......

Socks!~

2008-03-17T21:19:00.002+05:30

I was pulling a pair of socks,
from where it was being dried
I decided that if i dont get both at one go
there will be no second try

So I put all my energy and attention
and reached for it with all my might
Only to find out I barely touched it
For that moment, they were outta my sight..

Oh they looked so lovely,
freshly washed and clean
As i started thinking about its velvetty material
I could almost feel it hugging my feet

I turned back,
And put on a pair of old black socks
I wanted to reach for the clean white ones again
I wondered why i was so obssessed with the thought..

The black socks looked so worn out and old
almost as if they would tear apart..
While the new ones stared amusingly at me
I wondered why I dint give it a second chance..

So now I am wearing my old black socks
The comfort is almost the same
Atleast I tried reaching for the new white ones
but it wasnt a part of my fate.

As i related this story to my life, I can see that we all reach for the new white socks. Some try reaching once, some many times. Some give up. Some hold on.
I tried reaching for it too. But then went back to my comfort zone, my black socks.

At least they were there.
They had always been there.
As for the new white ones,
I can always get another pair...!!

Network Problem!

2008-03-06T14:33:00.000+05:30

I was coming back home from Pune,
a city very close to Bombay,
It was just a 4 hour drive,
and an experience of a life time!

Wherever I go,
My radio accompanies me,
Since music is my only saviour,
There is nothing more I would need..

As I reached Pune,
I searched for a radio channel
Besides 98.3,
There was none

The songs that I would never have listened to,
was my only choice then,
And surprisingly I was happy
Something is better than nothing

Sometimes they played my favorite songs,
Sometimes the ones I would have liked to miss
Realising it was not Bombay,
I knew I had to compromise a bit

With the headphone in my ears,
I was all set to leave
As the RJ's jabbered on...
Speaking a mix of Hindi and Marathi..

I reached midway in an hour,
Realising now I had options,
As I could hear 3 stations now
And I switched between them...

As I juggled between stations,
I missed a few of my favorites,
As I juggled even more,
I realised what I was missing..

As I reached Bombay,
I could hear my favorite songs,
Who cared about 98.3?
It wasn't even an option anymore

How conveniently I forgot 98.3
when I reached the city of my dreams

The reason I am writing this, is because I related this story to my life.
When we have no options, we are happy with what we have,
When we have options, we want nothing but the best.

As our mind juggles with the options, we start weighing pros n cons..
We want the best for ourselves, others can have the rest

The reason I wasnt happy with 98.3
is because I knew stations are so many

Sometimes I wish life had no options,
So we would learn to be happy with what we have
Sometimes I wish we didn't have to make choices,
So we would do all that we can

So if you guys have a 98.3
And if you are not happy
Think of it as the only option you have
Then it would not cease to make you happy...

And if you guys have a 98.3
And you are happy
The treasure of life is yours!
Because you are the lock and you are the key...

Juggling with life

2008-03-01T15:17:00.001+05:30

Juggling with my thoughts
Till I finally decide
What I want from myself
What I want from life

Playin hide n seek
Still not being able to hide
My innermost feelings
are revealed through my eyes

Dont look at me that way
You will know what you shouldn't
Dont see me with questioning eyes
I will say what I shouldn't

One side up, the other down
The balancing is never complete
As I am trippin n fallin
And sometimes stuck in between.

My mind linking thoughts outta the blue
Forcing me to think what I dont want to
My thoughts pull me towards you
I open my eyes, there is none of you

Not your presence, not your smile
What I miss most are those eyes
Those eyes that read me so well
Those eyes that spoke my story till the end

As thousands of thoughts surround me
I feel like breaking free
But I keep coming back
To the memories of you and me

Someday, the scales will be balanced
And there will be perfect harmony
Someday I will know what I want
I will know where I want to be

Someday the balance will be there
Someday, maybe not so far away
Someday, I will see the way
and Someday will be there to stay....

Simplicity Personified

2008-02-29T11:00:00.000+05:30

What will I do with a Chevrolet?
When all I really want is a car -Cherry red

What will I do with diamonds?
When all I want is stones but with your name written on them..

What will I do with branded clothes?
When all I want is a simple blue skirt..

What will I do with all the food and wine?
When your heart is my place to dine..

What will I do with Gucci and Gabana?
When I am happy with my old blue faded jeans...

What will I get dining in 5 stars?
When I am so happy with my bread butter...

What will I do with nice perfumes?
When all I really like is the smell of you..

What will I do with fancy houses?
When I dont have you to share it with..

What will I do with a stylish phone?
When all I really want is to hear your voice...

What do I do with all the glitter and glam?
When I am happy just holding your hand..

What do I do with an ipod?
When your words are music to my ears...

What will I get seeing fireworks in the sky?
When all I wanna see is stars at night...

What will I get wearing coloured lenses?
When I am so happy with my glasses..

What will I get receiving expensive gifts?
When your hand written letter is my only wish...

what will I do seeing the world?
When my whole world is in your arms...

I look into your eyes and you look into mine
Who cares about the food and place.. when I witness the whole paradise..
Without you, there will be no sunshine..
Without you, my life is a lie....

Destinies and Selves

2008-02-06T10:37:00.000+05:30

All our lives,
We are searching for a destiny,
A place where we want to be.

Searching aimlessly
not knowing where to go
Blindly following

And in all the confusion,
of being what we are not
We lose our identities,

Trying to match up to others
Trying to make it
Not knowing why
Now knowing for what?

Let me give myself a chance,
to be what I am
To do what i want to

Let me give myself a try
To overcome my inhibitions
To know the real reason

Let me give others a chance
To be what they wanna be
To see it my way

I stand at a threshold now
Not knowing where to go

There is nothing in front of me
Not a destiny and not a road,
I see blackness

I see nothing behind me either
I see a road.
Carved by me

I see a route, a path
Which I have walked

I look back and smile,
with tears in my eyes

Thinkin of all I could have done
Thinkin of all i already did

Yet I have no regrets
Yet I feel complete

I look back wanting to go back
Change things I could have
Yet I wanna move forward,
And change things I still can

For now I see the road,
So clearly and defined.
But if i hadnt looked back
I would not have tried.

So I can see the road now,
Im sure destiny wont be that far,
For I will carve my own destiny
Be it with wounds and scars

The road there is difficult
Full of twists and turns..
for how will I realise the value of happiness
Without a few burns?

what a ride!

2008-01-23T20:33:00.000+05:30

As I sat in his Auto,
I knew I could have walked faster
But i still stayed on
Thinkin maybe it will get better

As I stepped into his Auto,
A lady stepped out,
She said with a lot of conviction
that I would regret the ride for sure..

The curious side of me got the better of me
So I got in being indifferent
Realising on the way that he was a bit senile
But then, who isn't??

I realised midway,
that he forgot to change the meter
So i politely asked him to do it
He said he couldn't care less about the meter

Now this was a bit fishy,
As I was wondering if what the lady said was true,
He was well above 60
And he drove like his age too

A 5 min journey took me a generous 15 mins
But I was not filled with regret

I guided him with directions from time to time
but he insisted he knew the way
Then when i stopped doing that
He asked me to show him the way

On the way, he cribbed about the passengers
and how inhuman are they
So what if his auto was a bit slow?
they still reached where they wanted to, didn't they?

As i listened patiently to all his misery,
A smile spread on my face
I was actually enjoying the conversation,
and how people did not give him exact change

As i left the Auto,
I paid him exact change
He said, " how come you have exact change?"
I said I dont wanna worsen your day

With that, I left the Auto,
Filled with a weird feeling of curiosity..
I wondered at how weird the man was
But then I thought, We all are, aren't we?

makes me wonder....

2008-01-23T09:38:00.000+05:30

It makes me wonder
when you say that you dont care
are you the same person?
what has caused the change?

you say you dont give chances,
But I'm afraid life has given you one
So you can argue with life now
How could life do that to you , hun?

You say you loved me,
But that is not true
Because if you did
We could have started anew.

We all live on chances
Given to us by others
We all live with hope
Thats the quality of a lover

But who a lover is,
How will you ever know?
For what is love without chances?
And there is no love without forgiveness

So next time in life
when someone gives you a chance
Remember that life is like that
Enjoy it while it lasts

For sometime you may meet someone like you
and you wont get any chances to start brand new
At that time you would realise
Without chances, You wouldn't get out alive...

Words Unsaid

2008-01-22T17:06:00.000+05:30

Let some things be unsaid
and let some things
be understood,

For words will spoil it all
and language will
fall short of itself..

The moment was there and then it was
gone
The place was here but that was not enough

Its easy to play
the blame game
and emotions are hard to tame

But for all the
things which have not been said
My heart has ways to explain things to
itself

Lets not play hide and seek,
lets just admit we both made
our share of mistakes

Lets admit that somewhere we both were
wrong
It takes rhythym and lyrics to make a song

For all the
happy times and the blues,
remember, to make it or break it, It Takes Two!!!